Final Jeopardy: God Save Us All
by Fierce Deity Link
Summary: I have so much writers block, it's like the Hoover Dam in there. I wrote this fast and on the spot. I'm not a Humor writer. I prefer more serious work, but I still hope you enjoy it. And yes, this is a parody of a SNL Skit.


FINAL JEOPARDY:  
GOD SAVE US ALL  
  
*Jeopardy music plays while Rauru walks in*   
  
Rauru: Welcome to Jeopardy. Today we have three esteemed people from our favorite country, Hyrule. Can you three introduce yourselves?  
  
Link: *waves to the audience. They all cheer while the ladies jump up and down, screaming like psychos* Thank you, my name is…*a bra lands on his podium. His face turns red* Ummm…where was I?  
  
Rauru: You were about to tell us your name. *slaps himself in the forehead while looking at the floor*  
  
Link: That's right, my name is…  
  
Ganondorf: No one cares who you are, boy. Let a man speak! *turns and faces Link. They engage in a staring match*  
  
Rauru: Okay, okay calm down, you'll get your…  
  
Ganondorf: Shut-up you fat piece of ****, don't speak to me unless I'm speaking to you! *turns and pushes Link* Move over green boy, I want to be there! *Link pushes back, causing Ganondorf to bump into Zelda*   
  
Zelda: Don't touch me you filthy, disgusting pig! *Ganondorf turns around*  
  
Ganondorf: Don't tell me what to do, and I'll bump *he gives Zelda a strong pelvic-thrust to her left leg, causing her to fall to the floor* you anytime or way I want to!  
  
Link: *jumps up from Ganondorf's backside and gets him in a headlock* Don't you push her around like that. *Ganondorf stands while Link is still holding on to his head. His feet flailing in the air wildly*  
  
*security comes out and breaks it up*  
  
Rauru: *sighs loudly* Okay, because you guys can't do it…I will. You all know who this young man is, Link. *crowd cheers* And here we have the King of Evil…Ganondorf *crowd boos. A spitball hits him on the nose.*  
  
Ganondorf: Who the…  
  
Link: Don't you mean GanonDork! *crowd laughs*  
  
Rauru: Moving on! And over here we have, um, where's your name?  
  
Zelda: What?  
  
Rauru: Forget it, what's your name?  
  
*a long pause before she answers*  
  
Zelda: Umm, I'm pretty…don't you think? *Zelda fixes her hair with a comb, then starts to flirt with a guy in the audience*  
  
Rauru: *Looks up towards the roof* Oh God, is this a test?  
  
Zelda: What! We're having a test? No one told me this was a test!  
  
Ganondorf: You idiot! What did you think this was? It's a game show where we're asked hard, brain busting questions!  
  
Rauru: Okay! Lets get started. Our categories are: Hyrule's History, Famous Quotes, Religion, Riddles, and Literature. Ganondorf won backstage so he goes first.  
  
Link: Because he cheated. *gives Ganondorf a nasty look, who returns the favor*  
  
Ganondorf: Don't be jealous because I beat you at something, forest boy. I'll take Religion for 100.  
  
Rauru: Who is the sage of Light? *no one rings in* Anyone want to take a guess!? *still, no one rings in* Come on people! *the buzzer sounds, and Rauru shakes his head* The answer is ME people…ME!! Rauru, is the Sage of Light. *sighs* Okay, your turn again Ganondorf.  
  
Ganondorf: I'll take Riddles for 100.  
  
Rauru: Why did… *Zelda's buzzer rings* God, here it comes.  
  
Zelda: But if Jimmy cracked corn and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?  
  
Rauru: No!! That's not even close to what I was going to ask! Now, why did… *Ganondorf's buzzer rings*  
  
Ganondorf: This question sucks! I choose Geography for 500. *Rauru screams*  
  
Rauru: There is no Geography! What's going on here? Have you people always been so stupid, or do you practice at home? *Ganondorf steps out from behind his podium*   
  
Ganondorf: What'd you call me fat man!? *Rauru breaks out into a cold sweat* If you dare speak to me like that again…I Will Destroy You!! *He steps behind the podium* Now, I grow tired of this altercation, I demand we go to Final Jeopardy, Now!!  
  
Rauru: Yes sir…here's our Final Jeopardy question. 'What are the names of the seven sages?'  
  
*Jeopardy music plays as the lights dim and our contestants write down there answer. Lights go back to normal and Rauru starts to speak*  
  
Rauru: Okay Link, what was your answer?  
  
Link: *His answer shows on his podium: I sleep with my underwear in my mouth…1000 rupees*  
  
Rauru: What!? That's not an answer, and you wagered…1000 rupees! Oh God...you're wrong. The correct answers are: Zelda, Saria, Darunia, Ruto, Nabaroou, Impa, and Rauru. Ganondorf, what's your answer?  
  
Ganondorf: *His answer shows: What!?…2000 rupees*  
  
Rauru: No!!! That's incorrect. O lord, I fear to ask what your answer is Zelda.  
  
Zelda: *Her answer shows: I love Ramen noodles! Um…what was the question?...5000 rupees*  
  
*Rauru screams and throws his cards into the air, and begins to walk away. Link and Ganondorf start arguing, which breaks out into a full-blown fight. Zelda leans over and begins to flirt with a guy, but he doesn't hear a word she says. He's to busy looking down her shirt as she bends over to talk to him.*  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
